Trams in the distance

The noise, just enough to resonate within my brain,
then it’s gone

I don’t think about the tram until the sound repeats
seven minutes or even nine later
rumbling, clanging, scraping
familiar and comforting

The background noise
it comes and goes, a wave of consolation
portraying a world beyond
my window panes

I’m transported to the daily lives of suburban people
who move like ants across the metropolis
school kids with overstuffed backpacks
and exaggerated actions

Business men and women
neat and suited, to display their serious intent
older people, a day out, an appointment
not hurried but watching

Factory workers whose eyes hold no interest for anything but home
tired, they carry the daily shop in plastic bags
young people on I-phones, slouch at angles in their seats
jerkily they rise and they are off

The noise, just enough to resonate within my brain,
then it’s gone

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Do we take ourselves too seriously?

Recently at the funeral of a lovely ninety-three year old woman, I was particularly taken by one of the many beautiful, funny and endearing comments made about her. One of the things said about her was that she had ‘the ability to not take herself too seriously’ and she often advised others to do the same. This resulted in a life lived honestly, with humour and with a good sense of personal self and enjoyment. She was loved by her family, flourished in roles as parent, grand-parent and great grand-parent. She lived a simple life but a life that had meaning.

I thought about the comment for some time. I admire people who can live straight forward lives and be clear about where they stand on issues, big and small. I love to see people passionate about specific interests and pursue them with genuine enjoyment and fun.

Now I know the example I give is about someone who lived the majority of her life when perhaps, personal choices were less and times where more defined regarding employment, gender, social and economical opportunities. However,  when I listen to the stories and lives of our older generations, I can’t help but think that perhaps they had a few things right.  Not that for one moment, do I want to forgo the opportunities that my generation and my children’s cohort are experiencing but maybe, just maybe, there are lessons to be learnt about how to think about our lives and how we manage ourselves within these new and exciting if not demanding times.

So, when I heard the term ‘she didn’t take herself too seriously’ it struck a chord.  I could well afford to stop and think about that notion. Perhaps we are too tense, too worried, too anxious, too intent on getting what we want in life, too focused on appearing successful and on it goes. Somehow, when we pursue the above we inadvertently develop a seriousness that permeates all aspects of our lived experience, we lose the ability to be ourselves. When we take this course we forgo the joy of being able to enjoy simple things, to laugh at ourselves and to just be happy…perhaps. Anyway, from now I’m going to try to remember to loosen up, just a bit!

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Lazy days, well maybe not!

It’s slightly off-season in this beautiful seaside resort, only those with time to spare are here. The view from the third floor balcony is idyllic. Palm trees, lush green manicured gardens and then, as if that’s not enough, lapping at the edges of all of this, is the ocean. Waves break the shore in a monotonous but gratifying way, they lap the sand and send a frothy top that dissipates from the swell to the edge. Sounds of the sea, lazy, relaxing.

A man in his mid-sixties, maybe, sits staring seaward – sunglasses shield his eyes from the clear blue sky. He doesn’t look happy, he doesn’t look sad, he’s just sitting there on his balcony watching the ocean role. I watch him for a few minutes, off and on, to get a sense of his purpose, he doesn’t move and I lose interest.

A couple walk along the edge of the sand. She has thick white hair, sharply styled, his is grey and he’s semi-bald. The two look lean and fit and are dressed in long shorts to their knees. She has her collar fashionably turned upwards. As they saunter along I wonder what their day has in store…do they go back to one of the beautiful balconies and stare seaward also?

Two mature aged women sit on chairs watching the same thing that everyone else is watching, that is, whoever is walking or riding past. They chat occasionally, pick up their books, then chat again. One woman checks her watch from time to time. They look like they are having a lovely relaxed day. But, I have a sneaking suspicion they would like something to do, I could be wrong.

It’s quiet here. The sound of the waves are constant, representing the familiar association with company that never leaves. The well-appointed luxury apartments glimmer in the sun. Relaxing and lazy. There is a sort of silent rider saying ‘we have earned this.’

The sparkling blue pool sits splendid in full view of the spotless balconies with their sun lounges and fancy glass-topped tables and chairs. The pool is mostly untouched by activity. No kids squealing, jumping and calling. The families are elsewhere it seems. Their parents juggling work and the stress of daily life. They haven’t earned the ‘lazy life’ yet it seems. Yes, the pool adds to the aesthetic value,  calm and relaxed, you can do what you want, you can even swim! I watch, read and consider being the only person in the pool.

And just when the oldies outnumber everyone, along come two small boys – however, who is close behind them?…Gramps and Nana! The kids parents work and live in the area and the grandparents are visiting!

So, here I am in this wonderland of ‘something’. Nothing to worry me, nothing to distract me except at my own doing. I can choose to read, walk the beach, swim in the shiny pool, drink coffee or even open a bottle of wine. So, why do I find myself looking at these fabulous surroundings and thinking ‘what’s this all about?’

Maybe, just maybe it feels a little too good, too quiet, too lazy, too shiny, too clean and too wonderful! I may fit the age profile and have the time to take a bit of a holiday but there is something about doing nothing that scares me, just a bit.  And, doing it a with a whole lot of other people my age makes me a tad nervous.

So, no disrespect to the beautiful setting, the lovely apartments and the other folk my age, I just haven’t found the recipe to become a good lazy holiday candidate.  Maybe, I haven’t earned it yet!

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Three…

20150815_124037[1]Three cups of hot steaming tea

Three serious writers

Three unpublished manuscripts

Three glasses of cold chilled wine

Three hours later

Three writers laughing

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Letting go of toxic behaviour

There are some themes that just keep coming up for me. I hear people talking about the hurt in their lives. Well, they don’t actually name it as hurt, often as grievances they hold against others around them or toward people in their families.  Why do we hold firm to the things that in the past have been affronts to us? It’s as if we want the offending person to do the mending work and then that leaves us justified in being angry in the first place.

Being angry and offended by others is a way of keeping the hurt alive. In fact it’s a perfect way of never having to look at our own part in difficulties when things go wrong. Holding a firm position and taking a ‘holier than thou’ position is usually a sign that the issue will never be resolved. In fact, to hold this position is to assume that you are right and the other person is absolutely wrong. Nothing can be further from the truth.

20150501_155731The old saying about ‘there are always two sides to any story’ is, I believe a fair statement. In families for instance, there can be hugely differing views between how events were played out and who said what and who did what. Most of us have different perspectives to those around us relating to certain events and circumstances. Somewhere in the middle there is a position that may resemble reality, I suspect.

It’s how we manage these differences that matter. Generosity and goodwill play big roles in families being able to resolve matters that are upsetting or even have potential for family members to become estranged from each other. I think it’s fair to say that some families have greater capacity to work through tough times whilst other families have a fragility  or lack the will and generosity to put the more important aim of family harmony to the forefront. It’s well-known that some families and individuals have learned thematic behaviours that result in holding onto hurts which can result in certain family members being set aside and estranged.

Letting go or being able to loosen the ties to how many hurts are on the hurt list is a necessity to being able to move forward. The person who holds on to past differences is punishing themselves more than the family member they are cross with. Festering hurts and old grudges are poison to ongoing health and life happiness. We all know friends and relatives who live their lives complaining and degrading others in order to justify their own positions. Letting go of the toxic habit of holding grudge lists and resentments can free us from ongoing unhappiness. However, the will to do so, takes generosity and good will.

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Having a ‘Retro’ moment or two

A few days ago I visited a very clever person. This artistic woman had turned her home into a showroom for a range of retro furnishings  collected, restored and made by her.  I was immediately engaged with colour, style and the wonderful use of all things old, used and precious. Stacks of beautiful tartan blankets brought back to life through a clean, wash and comfort process. Tartan scarves from Scotland and England and mohair wraps lovingly returned to their splendour. Dinky stools covered in bright tartan fabric and matching cushions with big buttons. Little tables painted in striking and soft colours using a chalk paint technique. There were soft comforters from the fifties, colourful table cloths, framed prints and shaped lamps. Buttons, jewellery and carefully selected fashion books completed this wonderland of retro everything!

Then I realised why this collection was different.  It was of course, style. Yes, the style and finesse that accompanied the pieces and the putting together of the collection was the edge that made the difference. I have seen many displays of retro furnishings, fabrics and clothes but the pieces are often lost when completing with each other for attention. In fact, I think that some retro displays can border on being gaudy. Not this display, it was simply beautiful, right down to the tags explaining the item and the process used to collect, restore and invigorate each piece.

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Needless to say, I didn’t come home empty-handed.  A couple of  ‘I can’t leave them behind’ items were loaded into my car with the help of a friend. Thanks Marion, you’re a marvel but most of all you are inspiring.

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Inspiration

Sometimes it takes a fellow writer to pass from this world in order to hear the story behind the person. Today, I heard a story about a wonderful woman, whom I am sorry to say, I didn’t know well enough. A fellow writer from a writer’s group I belong to, died suddenly after a very short illness.

At her funeral today, I was inspired by what I heard about her life. A story of strength, courage, intelligence, humanity and life long caring for others was uncovered. A life of action and determination to do what most of us would never hope to achieve in two lifetimes.

Work, study, family, marriage, children, divorce, writing, fostering, volunteering, knitting and a multitude of other life achievements.  She could, sing, act, write and discuss philosophy with the best of people. How is it that some people are gifted and somehow know how to use their gifts? This fellow writer was a beautiful soul but a soul that I’m sorry to say I wish I had know better , which probably means she was modest and respectful and didn’t ‘blow her own trumpet’. She did however, have good cause to do so, such is a dignified life…

I was left thinking about the journey of life. The challenges that sometimes we / I shirk and avoid. I feel a little ashamed as I reflect on these matters. How is it that some people, like the woman who’s funeral I attended to-day, could pack so much into one lifetime whilst some of us shy away from the big issues of life and waste our time being morose or uncertain? I was left wondering why some people are inspired and others not so and who inspires the inspired?

Anyway, today I was inspired. Saddened in the first instance then urged on to achieve goals, to do more for others and to have the courage to act now and not wait until tomorrow. If my fellow writer had waited to do all that she has achieved in her lifetime (and most of it was for others), we would not have heard about this journey of life fulfilment caring and joy.

Yes, today I was inspired!

Thanks Pamela.

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Almost a ghost town…Majorca

Yesterday I took a trip to a small country township that holds some special and impactful memories for me. I drove to Majorca where I went to school for some of my later primary school years. I remember going to a school with fifteen other kids across six grades. Earlier generations from my family lived in this small place also.

‘I wander in the old graveyard where my great-great grandparents and my great-grandmother are buried. For years we visited these graves at Christmas and other special days, the cemetery is a very familiar place to me. Today is silent, the twigs snap beneath my shoes as I walk amongst the early settlers to pay my respects.

20150620_153905I drive past our old farm-house in nearby Craigie where my family tried to make a living from a small farm. I slowly move the car along the dirt track, giving myself as much time as possible to cast my eyes right and left.  At the top of the rise I can see the start of the old property in the  distance. Nostalgia never fails me, I love this place especially when  I catch a glimpse  of the old house nestled so beautifully amongst the dams and green paddocks. Old gum trees dot the horizon and apart from a cleared background paddock, all is familiar. Memories of riding my bike from school up the dirt road flood in. I love the gates across the entrance to this property, the driveway winds downward and the sheds are to the left and the house is to the right. A dog barks loudly and runs at the fence as I slowly amble past. I would give anything to drive though those gates but I turn around and head toward Majorca which is two kilometres away.

Coming alone was a good tactic. I’ve been many times before but with others for company. Of course, with company comes distraction and talk. Today, I feel and take in the full impact of a place I knew as a child. I drive along to the old school site, I say site because the beautiful red brick school building was burnt down in the bushfires of 1985 fires. I remember that school with clarity. It was a grand building and had an old brick dome well near the front entrance. 20150620_150539 Today, all that remains are the eerie gum trees that tower tall across the rise and a timber sign depicting the school dates. There is a newish house that has been built on the land during the last couple of decades but sadly it looks hideously out-of-place. Next door to the old school ground is the original cottage, it’s been rearranged over the years but back in my time the school teacher and his family lived there. I remember my teacher from that time, his name was Dino Munari (Mr Munari to us). I can’t imagine how a teacher with an Italian name fared amongst the very Anglo locals during the fifties, although from memory he was a good Australian rules footballer and was very well liked. I recall clearly that when we kids went out to the shelter shed for lunch, Dino  used to go through a side gate connected to the school-house for his own lunch. As I pass the school site, a strange unsettled feeling floats over me. I’m troubled by the fact that the school no longer remains, the loss of this place is of major historical loss. I turn my back on the tragedy and move on.

Then it’s down to the depleted main street, it’s been decaying for years now. The old store burnt down a few weeks ago much to the angst of locals and historians. 20150620_152107The building was reported to be in poor condition and didn’t stand a chance when it caught fire. Despite its run down condition the store had been an icon of the town, it was opened in 1866, today it sits in a pile of rubble, gone forever. It is probably the biggest (apart from the school) most significant loss to the appearance of the small town in decades. It has been known throughout the district as ‘The Majorca Store’ and there wouldn’t be too many people in the district and beyond who hadn’t heard of this old landmark.

20150620_151946The only building that’s had any visible upkeep in decades is the Town Hall. Recently there have been government funds spent on it,  so this building should remain intact for many years to come, I hope. It had substantial damage during the eighties also due to the bad fires. I meander along this sad streetscape called Talbot Street and wonder if there will be anything left at all in another fifty years. So many wonderful old buildings including countless pubs can now only be seen in historical pictorial publications. All gone now. Majorca’s starting to resemble a ghost town.

In another street leading to the school the old Post Office has been converted into a private residence and looks sturdy and quite substantial. This has always been a lovely building and my hopes are encouraged each time I pass this grand old place. I walk past this beauty and watch as the winter sun catches its beautiful brick façade.

20150620_152230On the corner of Talbot Street just across from the rubble that was the general store, a stoic looking building remains, in what seems to be good condition. I believe this house was once the London Chartered Bank. Somewhere along the way I  also heard that it became the residence of the ‘Nicholas’ family of  ‘Aspro’ fame but I could be incorrect about that. I have for many years been fascinated by this residence and could think of nothing better than being able to open the front door and explore the grand rooms within. I move on wistfully.

I smile as I wave to the occasional farmer passing in his ute. I note the curious looks as they ponder why someone is walking around Majorca on a Saturday afternoon in sunny but chilly weather? I listen to the sound of this old town now silenced with age and I experience a pang of sadness. For a few minutes I angst over the wasted history that is no longer available and then I remember that all things change and evolve. I look down    desolate Talbot Street and imagine the bustle of the place a century and a half ago, I can hear the horses hooves and the grate of the sulkies on the rough gravel. Yes, I guess all things pass.’

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‘Poets at the Pub’

Every now and again I’m stopped in my tracks! Last Monday evening in Broken Hill, Australia, we went along to the ‘Black Lion Pub’ to experience a night of poetry by a group of three rather different but amazing blokes. George Cole, Dallas Hunt and Ray Cook to be precise…the three men meet to chat, read and discuss poetry, oh and to have a beer as well!

This group ‘Poets at the Pub’ have been meeting since 1974, not bad is it?  There have been other members along the way and even a break away group (I wondered if they were the women poets?) but these three blokes have stuck with the journey, and so the legend has it that they can be found here every second Monday night at seven.

Let’s start with Ray. This man is no ordinary 20150504_204526 (2)person, he has a mind that will impress and challenge you, mainly because his intellect is obvious the moment he starts to speak. Dallas and George give his title as the ‘group scholar’, although it turns out that they themselves aren’t wanting for a bit of scholarly thinking. Ray is a small man in stature, uses a wheelchair and was the original convener of ‘Poets at the Pub’. A fabulous smile and a warm and welcoming personality this man defers humbly to the other two in the group. He explains and sets the intellectual background for his work before he delivers. When he reads his poetry, it’s gold. His work has depth and is layered with levels of meaning that requires, I suspect, time and thought to decipher. A gem of a poet and a brilliant man.

Then there’s George.  20150504_204512 (2)A gentleman and a poet. He’s been a boxer, a miner and many other things in his long and varied life. He has a fine understanding of mining and the cultural ways of men in a mining town. For the past six years George has won the ‘Paddy of the Course’ (best dressed male, I think) title at the local ‘St Patrick’s Race Meeting’, something he is proud of. He writes short stories and poems and has published his own works. In his eighties now but age, it appears, has little relevance to George. Recently his wife died, he read a poignant poem in honour of her. It was the first time he had read it the group. George read with clarity and beauty with just a hint of emotion that fell quietly around the edges of the piece. He signed and gave me a copy, I am thankful for that gesture and felt moved by his generosity. Poetry with meaning.

Now we come to Dallas, he has a 20150504_204516 (2)face that lights up a room. In fact, when we walked in it was Dallas who welcomed us and made us feel at ease. He reminds me of the saying ‘larger than life’, now I don’t mean this in relation to his size, although Dallas is a broad man but not a tall man, he just has a personality that commands those around to listen. I must say thought, he does carry a hint of mystery about him. He gives off an air of someone who has seen life from many angles, had his fair share ups and downs perhaps but knows how to keep the wheels of life moving. Anyway, his poetry tell stories of life, real life. Solid, well put together prose that makes the listener curious. He read a poem about a young woman who left a relationship because her partner ‘didn’t adore her enough’. A gutsy poet who doesn’t want the meddling eyes of editors or literary critiquing. This poet believes that if you mess with the poem it is at risk of losing it’s authenticity, perhaps he has a fair point. Dallas is a man who knows his mind, I like that about a writer or a poet…it comes through in the work. And, his work is honest and impressive.

And so, after a glass of wine and our heads full of wonderment we headed back to our miners cottage. We felt as if we shared something special that evening. To sit with and listen to three generous, intelligent and yet different men talk about people, history, the environment and life in general took us to another place. I was left thinking about how different people can come together and relate so beautifully when there is a common thread. Poetry…

Thanks to the wonderful ‘Poets at the Pub’ in Broken Hill.

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Women who run…how I envy you

Running-Only-Form-Cardio-You-NeedI have longed to be a runner for a very long time. There have been times when I have attempted to start the running journey but for many reasons, mainly lack of commitment, I’ve not continued. I know and admire other women who run.  Every day they get up before the rest of us even open our eyes, pull on the running gear and take off, rain, hail or shine. I call that dedication.

Now it’s not that I haven’t been an active person. I’ve played netball, and squash (when it was all the rage) and I exercise and walk for decent distances on a daily basis. However, running and jogging has proved difficult. I think it takes a certain mind-set, a determination that I’ve been unable to develop over the years. I expect that when someone begins running they have to do so long enough for the activity to be integrated within their psyche, and then they probably can’t imagine not doing it. In fact I suspect, it becomes euphoric…that’s the bit I would love !

Anyway, I know women who run. My sister in-law runs. Recently she ran with her daughter in a fun run and ran a personal best. How about that for someone who has seen five decades of life and is now running her heart out in her sixth! I think she is amazing but it doesn’t just happen. I know my sister-in-law has been an early morning runner for a very long time, so her discipline and consistency over the years has paid off.  A wonderful achievement to participate in a running event with your adult daughter.

Also, a younger woman with whom I have a business connection, runs at a very impressive level. It’s her release, her social connection with others who share the sport and of course it keeps her fit, lean and vital. When I talk with her about running I notice the gleam that appears in her eyes. Running it seems, gives her a sense of self and a personal balance that I’m sure she would find hard to tap into without the physical and emotional escape of running each day. Running appears to be a meaningful and full-filling part of her life, not just something she does to keep fit.

I also recall, many years ago, working with a fabulous young woman who would come in to work early in order to leave half an hour early at the end of each day. Her running coach lived one hour away and daily she travelled to train with a running squad. She excelled at many sports but running was her passion. She won the women’s equivalent to the Stawell Gift (a prestigious running event in Australia) in her day and joyfully came to work the following Monday with her winner’s sash and photo. No big prize money in those times just the achievement. I’ll always remember her dedication.

A couple of years ago when I was in London, my visit happened to coincide with the London Marathon. Never having attended an international running event before I decided to go for a bit of a look. I remember standing on the embankment not far from Big Ben and watching the runners. It was a very emotional experience for me, one that I wasn’t expecting. The thrill of seeing that throng of runners stream past brought tears to my eyes. They ran with varying degrees of skill and ability, fast, slow, awkward, smooth and some with obvious physical difficulty, but they all had one thing in common, they were running a marathon. I’ll never forget that sea of runners, men and women and the thunderous applause they received from the large crowd on that beautiful sunny day in London. I thought a lot about running after that encounter.

So you see, I write with envy but enormous admiration for the running sisterhood out there…the wonderful women who pound the footpaths and face the elements each day whilst I make a coffee and steal precious minutes inside the covers of my doona with my most recent novel.

In the process of writing this post I’ve become aware that running is just my fantasy, my impossible dream…possibly too late to take up the running challenge but comfortable enough to express my failed ambitions!

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